EVERYONE HAS THEIR JOURNEY
You are not alone
Questioning the gender roles that we are faced with is a different experience for everyone, whether we are very young or in our teens. Even as adults we can come to a place / time in our life where we question how comfortable we are with the roles and expectations our cultures have placed on us. Please enjoy reading some of our subscribers stories.
Damon 22
Non - Binary is where I'm at but does it really need a name?
I've been mistaken for a girl so many times in my life it is ridiculous. I never let it worry me. Dance is good like that - people are more accepting in the arts, but it is getting better everywhere now.
Life for me is creative and so is the way I present myself. On stage often my gender is whatever is needed..... I've performed as everything from an elf to a fairy and a whole lot of things in-between. In my personal life I have friends of all sorts. Non-binaries, by nature, are an open-minded lot and I find that most people are open to the idea of neutral gender roles when it is explained to them.
I am an advocate for being non-binary as I believe fitting into a gender role as defined by our culture should not be something that you 'have' to do. Like wearing a hijab. So many of our standards are from history, or religion and they just don’t apply any more. What difference does it make if you were born male or female, other than the part you play in creating children of course.
I think the world has changed, people have changed, the way we work, live and share responsibilities have changed. So, the gender stereotypes should change too. Sure, I am a male but I am effeminate. Does that mean I am homosexual? Maybe or maybe not – and what does it matter to you anyway?
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- Damon
My sex isn't who I am
All my life I have been frustrated by the assumptions people make about who I am by the way that I look and what sex I am. Even from childhood I dressed ambiguously ... because I didn't see why I should have to be different to my brothers or my other 'boy' friends. I did the same things as them, played the same games, watched the same shows.
From early in my high school years, I questioned why it mattered if the people I spent time with had a penis or a vagina. My relationships were not about making babies then and when you think about it …. most friendships aren’t.
It has been a struggle, but I have taken these ideas into my adult life and seen the changes that have come about in the last 10 years. I have never identified as specifically homosexual, gay or lesbian although have been questioned about these many times. I still maintain that who I love, who I spend time with and now with whom I sleep with, is about the person - not about my preference as to what is between their legs.
- Andy
They call me 'Jazz'
I thought I must be gay - but I still liked boys..... even though I wanted to be one! I was so confused for so many years.
It's not that I didn't like being a girl, I just didn't like the limitations that seemed to come with it. I liked make-up but I also like football. My favourite subject was woodwork, my favourite hobby was fishing and I didn't wear dresses because they just got in the way.
My mum thought I was a lesbian and asked me about it on my 21st birthday (after a few drinks).
I was so relieved when I found out about ‘non-binary’. I think if more people stopped trying to put us in gender boxes so many people would be happier. I know guys who like nice clothes and want to wear eyeliner, but they worry that they will be judged. I have felt pressured to be lesbian - and maybe one day I will fall in love with a girl, I am completely ok with that. Right now I am with a guy and don't see why I have to call myself anything different.
I’m just non-binary!
- Jazz
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We are the future!
Once upon a time...... women couldn't vote...
Thank god for change! I believe that in the future people will just be able to be themselves without all the gender rules and stereotypes. Gender roles are just another part of our various cultures. We are slowly adapting and changing as a society, as a race and as a species.
Once upon a time it was important to populate the world just to exist, we did not have contraception, we needed physical strength to survive, etc etc. It has all changed and we have changed. The way we did things before is no longer the way we need to do things in the future.
Women specifically don't need to be at home raising the kids, men don't need to be digging holes or taking down wilder-beast. Our cultures are evolving and for some people this is happening too slow or, maybe too fast. But it is happening and I see it as a part of the normal changes that the world goes through.
If you look back through our 1000's of years of history we have constantly changed how we behave, what we believe and how we do things. The Gender Roles are old! Bring on the new!
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- Adel
Simplicity in Equality
I feel very fortunate to be involved with an organisation that truly promotes a culture and philosophy where each and every person is free, equal and not judged or labelled. ‘Ungenderme’ embraces everyone.
I noticed a lack of reference to the LGBTI acronym on this site and initially didn’t realise that Non-Binary encompasses all these. Rather than creating more divides, I now like the idea of having none. If we acknowledge that the two gender roles are a social construct – why construct even more?
To me non-binary is true equality and allows people to simply be themselves as individuals. I feel that this is the way we are heading. It might still be a long way off but, over time, the old standards will give way to a more balanced and equal society. Everything, from the way you dress, your work, your relationships will be accepted as the choice of the individual.
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- Tash
Nightmare on 'Elan' Street
What a nightmare…… my family thought I had a mental illness that made me want to be something scary, something other than the footy playing ruffian that my father identified as a ‘normal’ male. I copped the whole ‘attention seeking psycho’ label.
The pressure to deny what felt right to me made me push back harder. I changed my name, wore crazy outfits just to try and reflect my inner turmoil and sense of gender dysphoria.
I am far more settled now and don’t feel I need surgery or drugs to feel ok about who I am. I get why people do however. I think if people were not so caught up on the whole insistence that you have to look like ‘this’, or that you need to have some sort of label, the world would be a better place. It's not like we are some sort of 'product' and need a label for every variety! Why is that even necessary?
I have decided that I am comfortable just being myself and if the world doesn't like it then, maybe it is the world that has to change.
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- Elan
Sex is not Gender
The World Health Organisation's definition of gender is :-
"Gender refers to the characteristics of women, men, girls and boys that are socially constructed."
People say they are nonbinary and use pronouns to show they don’t like having to fit into either of the two gender roles society has prescribed for us. Most of my friends don’t think about gender roles the way our parents did. Our parents determined so much about us from the genitalia we were born with but, that is now changing.
People often make the mistake that gender identity and sexual orientation are the same thing …. but they aren’t. Who you chose to have sex with is a completely different conversation. This point is where people get it all wrong when it comes to questioning gender.
I was born male but, I don’t like sport and prefer more creative hobbies. Mum said I was ‘a delicate child’ and I was called a ‘pussy’. I make no apologies for who I am and I know if I hadn’t had a penis I would have had less conflict in my early life. It could have gone many ways for me but I had a great group of friends. I found the strength to just be me.
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- Mx
'Times, they are a changing'
At Ungenderme.com our goal is to help others feel that they are not alone in their questioning of gender roles. Also to promote a better understanding of the concept of being non-binary.
For me, discovering the concepts around being non-binary were incredibly liberating. That I was not alone in my confusion with all the various labels and, to finally be able to find the words that helped it all make sense, meant more than any counselling session I had ever had.
There is no questioning that most* of us are born with either male or female genitalia. Our cultures have placed considerable significance on this difference. From how we dress, our roles and rights in society, social behaviours, even our supposed toy and colour preferences - these ideas are part of the socially constructed gender roles.
Our genitalia impacts our lives, sometimes subtly, often drastically. You declare whether you are Mr, or Mrs, Ms, Miss, this binary difference determines the department you ‘should’ shop in, if you wear make-up, whether your shirt buttons are on the left or right, it may determine what school you can go to or, if you are educated at all. In some countries it will determine if you must do army training, in others, what sports you will play......
Just as racism has faded, equal opportunity has risen and, even religion has taken some blows and had to adapt, the social constructs of the two gender roles will also morph into each other. History is showing us that as time moves on, the days of pink OR blue are fading.
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In the meantime, it is important that those of us who are already there to have support and are encouraged to be the forward-thinking individuals you undoubtedly are!
Thank you for joining us. You are not alone!
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-Ari
* we recognise that a percentage of people are born 'intersex' with sex anatomy variations.
Tell us your story........
Every persons journey is different. We believe that we are all entitled to be ourselves, be honest and comfortable in our self expression and our understanding of who we are. We support learning, living an examined life, discussing possibilities and keeping an open mind. These are all part of that journey.
If you believe you have a story to share that will help others, please submit it to us at info@ungenderme.com
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NOTE: As we have limited capacity, we cannot guarantee that all stories will be published. Members story submissions should be a maximum or 250 words. Images and names are optional. We thank you for your contributions and will respond to all submissions.